One Too Many

For various and asundry reasons, I find myself unnerved by the displeasure of those close to me, especially when such displease is directed toward my own choices, quirks, or personality in general. As such, it is no wonder I feel rather off kilter by my current happiness, as I have only this morning experienced a blunt criticism of a decision I labored long to make.

For you see, it was one too many. This one, dear to my heart, and I cannot seem to see eye to eye on several deep and and purposeful decisions I have made and even on a direction I have taken in life. We have a long history, this one and I, and have both celebrated, mourned, and shared life together for many seasons. So it stands to reason that I would value sincerely the opinions she holds and take to heart the criticisms, generally constructive, that she makes.

Yet months have passed, with the distance between us in this subject growing. The distance seems to be planted with active landmines and I know, for I have often tried to cross. Either when she has called me to come to where she stands or when I have reached towards her to explain why I stand far off, her displeasure has erupted in my soul, with shards of self doubt and anxiety that I have chosen the wrong way.

This morning was externally no different, she parted our short moment shared in conversation with a blunt assertion that I have put myself on an unrighteous path. I even cautioned her before she let words leave her mouth, for I have traversed this path often enough to know it was coming. No point in defending my stance, done that before too. One of my first thoughts was to be thankful I had planned for time to sit and spend time with my Father who loves me, to ask his perspective, which I have done on this subject many many times before.

The difference in this morning, you see, was that it was one time too many. In the moments I first turned Him, all the perspective and comfort he's already given welled up in my heart. Yes, it welled up like a mighty storm and took hold of that criticism, took hold and tossed it back into oblivion with a forceful, "NO YOU WON'T detonate in my heart today!" And in joy, I breath in the peace of the morning and the promise of a beautiful day.